Random thoughts today...

I haven't blogged in quite a while which isn't like me at all. It's not for lack of time or the willingness to do it but really more for lack of something new to blog about. That's not to say I don't have anything going on in my life right now because I certainly do but I still haven't had much to put on here lately.

Since I am six days away from meeting our new sweet baby girl and I have so many things swirling around in my brain, I thought I would just get on here and write some random things.

I just spent the last ten minutes looking up my homework for my grad class for the next three weeks so that I would know what was coming up while I am having a baby. Here is the thought that went through my head...how the heck am I supposed to do all of this homework while taking care of a newborn and a two year old. Being a new mom is hard work if I remember correctly from when Carter was born ;) I remember no sleep, lots of crying (both from him and myself), just praying I could squeeze a shower and a meal in between feedings, trying to strategically plan feeding him around making dinner (which by the way rarely worked out), falling asleep everytime he slept since I had been up most of the night before, and spending every waking moment just wanting to sit and hold him and stare at this beautiful person that I had brought into this world. Carter was not a hard baby but I still remember it being difficult. I remember those times that he just woudn't stop crying and I couldn't figure out why and all the times that Jay stayed up late with him pacing the house with Carter in the front pack because we always new he would fall asleep that way. Honestly, I loved every minute of it and I can't wait to do it again! But when I did this with our Carter man, I was not working, in school, or had a two year old to love on as well. Wow, it makes me tired just thinking about it. The thought of writing a paper, an article, and an assessment with rubric and many other details that go with it, when all I will want to do is be with my two babies and sleep whenever possible, is frustrating! Honestly, I think about my friend who had her fourth baby the same month that she started her thesis for her masters and I just don't know how it was possible! I don't know that I have it in me. But I guess I really don't have a choice...I will attempt to be super mom!

I am taking just two weeks off of work, which everyone tells me I am crazy. The difference for me is that I work at home and have the flexibility to take care of my children while working. I home school two students and must finish out their school year with them. Thankfully my mom is able and willing to keep Carter on the mornings that I home school so that I can focus on teaching my students and taking care of Madelynn. I have only two fears or concerns about starting home schooling again just two weeks after Madelynn comes. My first one is that I know how long nursing sessions can take with a newborn and I won't be quite as available to my students during those times. My second one is that I will be up all night and unbelievably tired and then need to be calm and patient and help my students have a good rest of the school year. Again...I feel like I will be attempting to be super mom. I am going to be relying on a wonderful husband who I know will support me and help me whenever possible, a mom who is always willing to help and who loves Carter as much as we do, and a supernatural strength from my heavenly father. And I will tell myself everyday that it is only for two months...

I hope I don't sound like a whiner and complainer because that is not my intent. Sometimes I think that I just have too much going around in my head and writing it down will help release a little of the stress of it all.

I cannot wait to be a mom of two. I think it sounds like the biggest blessing anyone can ever be given and I am so unbelievably thankful that God has allowed me to experience it. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday where he told us all about Tuesday and what will happen. It made it feel all so real. Last Saturday I had a wedding reception at church which made for a 12 hour day at the church. As you can probably image, since I am prone to high blood pressure during pregnancy, my blood pressure was through the roof when I got home that evening. Jay sent me straight to the couch for the rest of the night. Sunday morning I woke up with a headache, the first one in at least three months, that lasted all day. Monday morning I again woke up with a headache and was up a lot in the night because of how bad the headache was. I was still determined to get though my morning of home schooling but as I went to get in the shower, I got extremely dizzy and had to go lie down. The combination between headache and dizziness is not good with blood pressure issues, so I cancelled school and called my doctor. He sent me straight to labor and delivery at the hospital to have a non-stress test to make sure Madelynn was okay even with my issues. Everything looked just fine but he did put me back on the blood pressure medicine that I took for about eight weeks at the end of Carter's pregnancy. The rest of that day and night I was on the couch with the worst headache ever and trying to help keep my blood pressure down. I was sad that I didn't make it my entire pregnancy without meds or bedrest but I am so thankful that it didn't happen until just the final eight days. Much better than the final eight weeks like my first pregnancy. I am thankful.

I have sentenced myself to sleeping on the couch from here on out for two reasons...I really do sleep better so it just makes sense to start my night there instead of eventually coming out to the couch after two hours of tossing and turning. The other reason is that I am keeping Jay awake all night long as I toss and turn, switch sides every 20 minutes, and sit up to wake my hand back up throughout the night. I am looking forward to sleeping in my bed again with my husband though.

The next five days are dedicated to preparing for our new life with two children. I want the house clean, groceries bought, dinners thought about, baby equipment set up and ready, and everything in its place. Sometimes I wish I didn't care so much about all of that sort of stuff. Then on Monday I want to just enjoy my last day with just Carter and as a family of three. We are thinking that we will take him to the carousel, which is his favorite thing in the world, and take him out to ice cream. I am still trying to think of other fun things to do with him that evening to make it a special day all about him. He doesn't know it yet but his life is about to change. But it is a great change and I just know he will love his sister despite any other feelings he has about another person taking attention away from him.

I am so ready for this new adventure!